http://www.mudcatfalls.com Mudcat Falls: You Know Mayberry, waall this is Mayberry on Drugs. 75 75 http://www.mudcatfalls.com http://www.mudcatfalls.com/images/MudcatFallsRSS.jpg Local sausage machine operator, Albert Slaughter, is appealing his dismissal from the R.K. Meat Packing Company, citing global warming as the reason he fell asleep at his station and allowed over 20,000 pounds of rendered meat by-products to spill on the factory floor when the kilbasa packing line ran out of sausage casings. "My client is a victim of greenhouse gasses, here, just as surely as if he had been hit by a refrigerated meat delivery truck in a crosswalk," claimed Slaughter's attorney Steven Dallas during a news conference. "Does the word 'siesta' ring a bell with anyone?" . . . . http://www.mudcatfalls.com/A5558C/Mudcat%20Falls.nsf/65bd918385a069c485256c57006c422a/88f45c44cc682c6d852573f00058e127?OpenDocument As millions resolve to exercise more in the new year, a local group has released a landmark new medical study which calls into question decades worth of thinking on the benefits of active lifestyles and their importance to longevity. The Couch Loungers for Afterlife Prevention report analyzed data collected by the Department of Health and Human Services regarding both adult and youth sports activities and concluded that sports injuries, with an incidence rate of 1 in 260, are nearly as prevalent as cancer, which afflicts 1 in 217. . . . http://www.mudcatfalls.com/A5558C/Mudcat%20Falls.nsf/c0cbdc2fadeb501185256c57006c57db/431f7cdcc37bbb9c85257152004a3281?OpenDocument The owners of the Planet Video store in the downtown Barleycorn District closed down operations suddenly yesterday after word leaked that authorities had uncovered a massive fraud scheme. "Acting on a tip from a concerned consumer, we learned that our citizens were being charged rewind fees for DVDs," said Calabash County District Attorney Jack Meddlemeister . . . http://www.mudcatfalls.com/A5558C/Mudcat%20Falls.nsf/71a8cab70f19a4cc85256c5900379360/6b9525bef0fc7f91852573f0006b86cc?OpenDocument We at the Mudcat Falls Times-Herald-Post-Picayune-Press-Gazette-Tribune have watched the metastasizing health care crisis in our country and the raging infection of political debate over possible cures for its ills without yet having taken a stand on this critical issue. But now, our Editorial Board has weighed all the facts, debated the options and has finally decided . . . http://www.mudcatfalls.com/A5558C/Mudcat%20Falls.nsf/d245018f60e039af852570e3001733be/8724250dd8e7313a852573940061eb81?OpenDocument