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Descending into a Quackmire
Into the rogues gallery of journalism -- joining Janet Cooke's "Little Jimmy", NBC Dateline's exploding pickup trucks, Stephen Glass' "Hack Heaven", CNN's Baghdad Blackout, and Jason Blair's Beltway Bull Crap -- we now, regretfully, must welcome the Pistol Creek Eagle-Beacon.
While we appreciate the importance of civic pride, how a responsible editor can knowingly allow his own reporters to wage a journalistic jihad against a neighboring community is completely beyond our comprehension.
Since retractions have not been forthcoming from our sister (and we use that term in the fullest Bette Davis-Joan Crawford sense of the metaphor) publication, let us take a moment to set the record straight:
The Mudcat Falls City Council has never voted to issue one "Get Out of Jail Free" card to each person under the age of 35 for the murder of a senior citizen in an effort to cut health care costs.
The City Health Code does not require 14 year olds to smoke two packs of cigarettes per day.
The local Board of Elections did not modify voting booths to deliver electric shocks when an attempt is made to vote twice on a butterfly ballot.
Gay and lesbian persons are not required to wear their underwear on the outside within the city limits.
Caucasians do not automatically get 30 extra admission points from Mudcat Falls Community College on their entrance exam scoring.
The Calabash County Unified School District Board of Education has not designated cats as the "third white meat" for their school lunch program.
After each and everyone of these stories was picked up and distributed by the wire services, our only hope now is that CBS's Sixty Minutes II will set the record straight after their recent visit in the upcoming episode on our fair city.
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