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Truth and the Bass Boat Vets

The old saw that politics makes strange bedfellows was never more true than during the current election season. In this case, Democratic Mayoral candidate John Fitzgerald Kiltkuff, several large-mouthed bass and a group of angry anglers.

Kiltkuff, having accused incumbent Mayor Archibald Alabaster III of mismanaging the Mudcat Falls urban development program, cited his experience of having "fished on this river as a young man" and knowing "what it takes to defend our town's waterfront from ravages of inner city decay." His record of three state record bass catches and a Silver Medal finish in the Mudcat Falls Nuke Em Bass Tournament and Fish Fry Festival, has been touted in his stump speeches and cited on his campaign web site as evidence of his credentials to be Mayor.

Now comes a group of local sportsmen, led by Porky Chumwater, Orley Bovine, Rodney Slackjaw and Art Batch -- all veteran Bassmasters with numerous records and fishing tournament victories to their names -- to dispute Kiltkuff's record and challenge his fitness to be mayor, claiming that one of his bass records was uncorroborated, another was actually a carp, the third was caught with illegal bait and that his Silver Medal was won by illegally fishing outside the boundaries of the festival competition zone. Such unsportsmanlike acts are said to belie a character unfit for higher office.

Kiltkuff defenders note that none of the Bass Boat Vets for Truth have ever fished on his boat, as if that answers the charges leveled at their candidate.

Beyond such entertainment value inherent in our country's political campaigns, do we really want to live in a world where fishing "war stories" are all true? Where a politician's remarks are always relevant? Where, especially, campaign promises all come true?

When the time of year comes for stock car drivers to start swapping seats, NASCAR is at least man enough and honest enough to call it the "Silly Season" -- which is probably why Richard Petty is 'The King' and not 'The Prez'.



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