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A Crack in Feminist Groups

MUDCAT FALLS — A radical splinter group for women’s rights is ruffling politically correct feathers by calling for separate but equal sporting events based on biological determinates.

“We call ourselves ‘trans-feminists’ because we’re fighting against the biological imperialism of testosterone-fueled patriarchies,” explained Harmony Dilwaggle, founder and Chairperson of the group, Cis Ladies for Athletic Purity.

“Using the term ‘gender’ to allow men to dominate genetically produced women in sporting events is simply lexical terrorism to facilitate the continuation of outdated cultural norms.”

CLAP was founded by several members of the Mudcat Falls Community College Women’s Volleyball team after losing their starting positions to former men’s varsity basketball players who self-identify as women.

“They may call themselves Sally and Alice and Gail,” Dilwaggle said, “but ever since they joined the team you can cut the pheromones in that locker room with a knife.”

CLAP has been banned from the MFCC campus, but continues to protest at away games.

“These alt-right misfits are simply not women in the true spirit of our movement,” said Hillary Hickums of the local Calabash County chapter of the National Organization of Women. “Third Wave Feminism means embracing our ‘sisters of another sex’ for who and what they are.”

School administrators refused to comment, except to cite recent Title IX guidelines from the U.S. Department of Education.

“Our team might not fill out their bikinis like the other girls on the beach any more,” said MFCC Coach Vince Liberotto, “but we have more height and power in every zone on the court than any other team in the conference.”

Since the roster change, the Fighting Gourds women’s volleyball team has gone undefeated in the Big River Athletic conference.



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