 Read | RECOVERY ACT STIMULATES LOCAL ENTREPRENEUR (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- Federal stimulus money is not only helping the local economy here in Calabash County, it is helping to rescue crippled birds by funding the vision and efforts of a local entrepreneur. Once shunned and ridiculed by the local business community and citizens alike, Abernathy Guttersnip . . . . |
| Read | SEND THEM PACKING (News): DENVER -- This year's annual Columbus Day protests were marred by an announcement by the Citizens to Let 'em All re-Patriate.org that the group had raised an unprecedented $623 million dollars in its first year of existence. The arch-conservative group has been labelled racist, fascist, misogynist, . . . . |
| Read | TURNING OUT THE JAILHOUSE VOTE (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- The ACLU has filed suit against Sheriff Atticus W. Moosejowl and the Calabash County Jail on behalf of Edsel "Slash Face" Nelson for violations of his civil rights under the National Voter Registration Act of 1993. "We strongly believe that voting is a fundamental right of every cit . . . . |
| Read | DEAN ACCEPTS MCMAHON RESIGNATION (News): BURLINGTON -- Following on a series of desperate moves to right his listing Presidential campaign, Howard Dean quietly accepted the resignation of Vince McMahon. The move took media pundits by surprise, as most were unaware that the Chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment had been serving as a pa . . . . |
| Read | GLOBAL WARMERS CALLED RACIST (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- Dr. Jackson Selma Montgomery, Jr., preacher at the Southside Baptist Church dropped a political bombshell during his Sunday sermon when the second generation local civil rights leader called global warming activists the modern day environmental equivalent of the Klu Klux Klan. "Just . . . . |
| Read | BLISTER PACK BURSTS BIRTHDAY BUBBLE (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- A Riverview Heights birthday party ended in tragedy this past weekend when one party guest was killed and two others were injured during a present opening incident that is under investigation by authorities. Friends and family had gathered to celebrate Merle Perkle III's forty-secon . . . . |
| Read | DEMS DENY LEPER COLONY PLANS (News): WASHINGTON DC -- Flush with polling data showing high prospects for significant midterm election gains, Democratic leaders have been secretly making plans for the day they take back control of Congress, the most notorious reportedly being the establishment of a so-called "leper colony" for conserva . . . . |
| Read | O'HARE BALM SCARE (News): CHICAGO -- The nation's air transportation system ground to a halt as Chicago's O'Hare Airport was shut down as the Transportation Security Administration evacuated all the concourses in frantic a search for an alleged bomb suspect. The breach began at 9:15 a.m. CDT, Friday, closing the nation's bu . . . . |
| Read | TWEED TEETERS ON TV (News): WASHINGTON DC -- Immediately following his appearance on Meet the Press, Senator Fritz "Kingfish" Tweed, beloved populist and local Democrat party leader, was taken into protective political custody by officials of the Democratic party after making remarks that most pundits agree could be construed . . . . |
| Read | PROTESTERS UP IN ARMS OVER SURVEILLANCE (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- The ACLU has filed suit against the Calabash County Sheriff's Department on behalf of the Consolidated League of Affiliated Protesters, alleging the violation of civil rights of peaceful protestors by unlawful spying and intelligence gathering. "Spying by law enforcement on peaceful . . . . |
| Read | BIG BANG GOES BUST (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- Mayor Alabaster and his administration are now occupying temporary offices in mobile home trailers set up next to the Soldiers and Sailors Monument in Courthouse Square after the implosion demolition of downtown's Trinity of the Wilderness Pentecostal Church went awry, sending the s . . . . |
| Read | P.E.T.A. PROTEST "SQUASHED" (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- City workers were seen cleaning up blood, fecal matter and corpses from the street outside Bio-Die Chemical Corporation, where an animal rights protest unexpectedly went awry yesterday afternoon, leaving death, injury and tearful school children abandoned in its wake. In a prepared . . . . |
| Read | MAYOR CAUGHT SPYING ON COUNCIL RIVALS (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- According to a confidential whistleblower within the Administration, Mayor Archibald Alabaster III approved a program to apply advanced data mining techniques to spy on City Council rivals and directed the collection of sensitive personal information on political rivals. "This viola . . . . |
| Read | DOUBLE PLEASURE, DOUBLE FUN? (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- At the recent conclusion of their contentious, oft times raucous annual convention, the local chapter of the National Organization for Reform of Marijuana Laws found itself split along generational lines with the formation of a new Political Action and Reform Arm by angry and disaff . . . . |
| Read | FRENCH TROOPS MASSING ON BORDER (News): PARIS -- Stinging from the recent blizzard of talk radio insults, internet jokes and late night TV show monologues impugning French military prowess, President Jacques Chirac has launched an effort to rehabilitate their nation's tarnished image by ordering the mobilization of troops to the border o . . . . |
| Read | MICROSOFT DENIES XP SERVICE PACK EXPLOSIONS (News): REDMOND -- Microsoft denied today that its Windows XP Service Pack 1a is responsible for a rash of recent personal computer explosions. "These bogus stories are just a new twist on a well documented urban legend that has been largely discounted," said company spokesman Paige N. Tiernet. "Besides, e . . . . |